(What follows are genuine excerpts from emails that I have received.)


Did you make any progress on your weird story?

Well, not knowing you before, I couldn't tell if you were drunk or retarded.

But once I took a train all the way from Tuscaloosa to Mystic.

It wasn't the kind of rain that smacks you in the face and runs down the back of your neck.

My hopes, dreams crushed.

Not that there's anything wrong with cynical dogwalkers.

I'm hoping to regain some of my sass soon.

A friend of mine here at work and I have become obsessed lately with apotemnophilia.

Who doesn't appreciate the love between a giant duck and a cavewoman who's handy with a laser pistol?

You go over to his house, and he'll be clapping his hands and laughing, pulling books down by the handful.

Oh yeah, and I'm trying to pass this stone.

Seriously, she should at least be hot if she's going to be on TV talking nonsense.

Sometimes I have to read books in a funny way.

I am just overwhelmed with relief that you're not just grossly offended.

Do you eat cheese steaks?