It's true. Nobody likes a cat that is dead. Not even cat people. Not even those crazy cat people. You know that lady who sits a few cubes down from you at work? The one who has pictures of her cats all over the walls of her cubicle? The one who refers to her cats by their names, as though you were supposed to know what the hell she's talking about? Yes, her. Even she doesn't like a dead cat. Don't take my word for it. Tomorrow, walk over to her desk and drop a dead cat onto her keyboard. Watch her reaction. See if you get a St. Patrick's Day card with a picture of a dyed green kitten on it from her this year. Go ahead, just see.

For one thing, dead cats aren't very cute. They're actually rather grotesque. I don't know if you've ever seen a dead cat, but it's like the second they die, they go from being very cute to horrifically ugly. The calm relaxed manner of their faces are stretched thin into masks of terror. Their lips pull back to expose their teeth. Their jaws lock into place. It is not a coincidence that you can't find many pictures of dead kittens on crazy people's cubicle walls. There is no graceful passing into eternity for cats.

Also, they are not fluffy. Their fur becomes matted down and eventually falls out. Their muscles grow rigid and hard. You can pick up a dead cat and its position will not change from the way you found it on the ground.

Also, they smell.

Also, they are often stuffed full with maggots.

Also, they are no fun. You can't play with a dead cat. No matter how many times you roll a balled-up piece of tin foil or toy mouse across the floor, a dead cat will not chase it.

Speaking of mice, there are far better chances of a mouse eating a dead cat than being frightened away by it. So, you can add "not good at scaring away mice" as one of the things that are unlikable about dead cats.

I can think of only a few good things about dead cats. You don't need to feed them or change their litter boxes. You don't have to let them outside every ten minutes. You don't have to hear them meowing outside your bedroom door while you're trying to take a nap. You can invent a game with them in which the object is to bounce them off the wall and into a wicker basket. You can drop them onto the keyboards of people you don't like. But that's about it.

In conclusion, if you are in the market for a new pet, I would strongly recommend against getting a dead cat. I'd opt, instead, for a goldfish. Or maybe a lemur.